Midnight Jokes.

1. A woman takes her brand new AI to the shop in order to make a complaint.
   – How can I help you Miss?
   – This gadget you sold to me, it’s faulty, it’s cursed, I need you to fix it.
   – Sure! What’s the problem?
   The clerk takes a look at it…
   – It swears at me, calls me “lousy cunt” “vegetarian cheat” and it keeps saying my privates smell of mushrooms!
   – You need to go to the gynaecologist then…

2. A hairdresser goes to the psychologist.
– You see, when I give a haircut to a lady, she ends up saying she looks like a man.
When I give a haircut to a man, he says I’ve groomed his like a woman. I’m desperate.
– Maybe you should try to become a pets’ hairdresser? Says the expert.
– I’ve tried that already, and when I finish cutting the dog’s hair, the owner always tells me the dog resembles his Mother in Law!!!

3. How did jealous Ronnie murder his anorexic girlfriend?
– He strangled her with a pair of tweezers.

4. Why did the AI write on his will that he specifically wanted to be cremated upon his death?
– He was too worried about being digged out by archaeologists in 5000 years’ time, and then being exhibited at the British Museum like a dinosaur.

5. What do a call girl and a play station have in common?
– They both enjoy numerous owners throughout their lives.

6. A man goes to the Doctor.
– I would like you to prescribe me pills to substitute my sleep.
– I’m afraid science hasn’t come up with these yet, Sir…. but can I ask you why you do not want to sleep?
– I do enjoy very much sleeping, but my boss wants me to work 16 hours, my girlfriend wants 4 hours sex every night,  and my old mum always calls me up with the emergency that she needs me to help her find her TV remote control… or else she’ll miss her soap!

That’s all for tonight folks!

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Auburn.