Saturday Jokes Parade…

1. A young lad is dining with his in laws, and   eagerly waiting for desserts to be served.  At last he finds a relaxed couple of minutes to make a business proposition.
– I have designed and patented the best garnment anybody could wish for.
– Excellent! cries the host, tell us all about it, and how this project will be financed, please!
– Well, you see, these are very specially crafted pair of socks, all made with the latest fabrics, that give you the non stop giggles once you put them on.
– Wow! I really want to be the first to own a pair… I really need a good laugh to start the day… but I am slightly curious… What happens when you take them off? Do you start crying?
– None of that! Once you take them off you are dreadfully exhausted,  yes, dead exhausted,  and you don’t even have any energy left to answer the questions the ambulance crew are asking!!!

2 . A funky looking man goes to the doctor.
– You see doctor, I have a very annoying problem and I really hope you can get rid of it…. After I bang my head with a hammer, and also after setting fire to my bottom, I feel an unbearable kind of pain… its awful!
– Oh, how strange, young lad!!! I do the same sort of things, but I don’t feel any pain at all!

3. A very classy woman walks into the poshest department store, intriguingly looking at the cosmetics.
– Hello, can I help you, Madame? says the clerk.
– Sure you can!! I would like to know if you do these kind of incredible creams that make you look twenty years younger… I don’t mind the price…
– We certainly do! Here’s the latest on the market,  it’s two thousand three hundred pounds. Would you like it?
– Please! Fabulous! I would also need one of those cherry red rouges that make every man in the world want to kiss you all night long…
– Yes! This one!!!
– Amazing. And last, I would like one of those shower gels that make you feel like a toddler ever three days after you’ve used it…. yes… that’s the one.
– Would you like some samples too?
No thanks,  I’ve got to go.
– That’s five thousand eight hundred and thirty two pounds, please…
– Are you drunk, insane,  or I you dying to get fired young lady? I’m not spending that amount of cash on Diddy my dog!!!

4. A businessman is late to catch his flight.
As he gets to the departure gate soaked in sweat, the Stewardess says he’s one minute too late to board.
Since there’s a billion pound deal at stake going on in the meeting he is to attend at Edinburgh,  he grabs a bottle of water, drinks it all in one go and sets off to follow the plane by foot, carrying his briefcase.
The businessman has run so fast he gets to Edinburgh at the same time the plane does.
Once he’s there, he grabs the pilot by the neck and says,
– Couldn’t you have waited for me one minute more?
– Hey, cool it, says the pilot, you have just lost three stones while chasing us and swearing at us all the way long! You should be thankful! I wish I could lose three stones in two hours, like you!
– Well you are going to lose six stones now, because I am sending you back to collect my luggage, or you’ll have to pay me compensation!!! And you’ll be thankful.

5. A young man goes to the Doctor complaining about several ailments. So the physician prescribes seven boxes of medicines, and requests him to see him again in 3 weeks.
After three weeks,  the patient comes back, red faced and sweaty with anger.
– You have killed my cat, you bloody murderer! says the man to the surprised doctor.
– I beg your pardon?
– Yes, you have murdered my cat!
– Listen young man, I have 12 people with severe diseases in my waiting room and I have no time to listen to your nonsense.
Just tell me if the medication I prescribed got rid of all those the aches and pains.
– How am I supposed to know? I didn’t take them, you bloody cat murderer!
– Oh! And why didn’t you take them, may I ask?
– Because the cat ate them all!

6. A young lady goes to the Vet.
– How can I help you?
– You see, since 2 years I am suffering from a very bad dog treats addiction. I was wondering if you can help me?
– Well, errr, Madame,  I am sorry to let you know I only treat animals, and you should go see an expert other than a Vet.
– Ok, great, thanks! Where are my free puppy biscuits?
– I beg your pardon?
– Yes, there’s a sign out there that reads
“FREE PUPPY BISCUITS TO ALL PETS THAT BEHAVE IN THE WAITING ROOM “!!!

The End.

Enjoy your weekend!!!

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