After the Supermoon Jokes

1. A young man is at a pub.
– Hey guys! I finally found my ideal soul mate! I am overjoyed!
– That’s cool, says his friend. But what brings you to believe she’s your lifetime soul mate?
– She’s the only bird I brought home in the past two years whom hasn’t been mauled by my pitbull!!!

2. A lady goes to see a very posh physician.

– I am desperate,  I hace been constipated for 3 weeks, I have taken every relief tablet under the sun but nothing works!

-You say you have been constipated for three weeks already? Sorry Miss, I can’t help you, you’ll need to call up a senior Plumber!

3. Three female friends are at a health spa retreat. It’s their first day,  and breakfast time. The waitress asks what they would like to order.

– I’ll have sausages and a coke please!

– I’ll have a croissant and a latte!

– I’d rather take a blueberry muffin and orange juice, please!

– I’m sorry ladies, what you have ordered is extremely unhealthy,  we don’t do those breakfasts here.

– Then what do you suggest?

– Goat’s milk and Tofu!

– Oh well, then please hurry to serve us those, we’re starving.

After 3 minutes the waitress comes back.

– I am afraid we can’t give you any goat’s milk today,  because our goat is sick.

At this stage the Three friends are furious.

– So the goat is sick? What on earth is wrong with the goat?

– He went to a party last night and got too high on cocaine!

4. A mother of 4 takes her kids to the zoo. It’s their first time, and it will become unforgettable.
After they’ve toured the zoo three times the mother says, we’ve got to go, this is a rip-off!
– No, please, mamma, let’s stay one more hour!
The woman doesn’t give in and takes her kids angrily.
At the exit, she starts complaining to the zookeeper.
-This zoo delivers exactly what we advertise, Madame, or you can use the suggestion box on your left.  Or is it you suggesting that our wild animals from all over the globe are actually stuffed toys?
– Nope, that’s not the problem.
-Then why are you so furious?
– Well, I am furious, and I am even more than furious, for having paid eighty quid todsy, not to see a single live Dinosaur in here!

5. We’re at the highest students IQs primary school in the Borough, and little Stella only agrees to attend class if her Teddy Pinko can sit by her side.
So the talented teacher offers Pinko some homework and some books.
– How did it go at school today, Stella?, asks her dad one evening.
– Terrible! Says the child, you got to buy me a new Teddy with a smaller brain than Pinko’s, cos Pinko copied all my exam answers and scored 3 points higher than I did!

The End.

Thanks for reading!
Please read again and go snatch a smile from the folks about!

X Auburn.

For more Jokes to own, please follow this link

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Books-Sandra-Zouak/s?rh=n%3A266239%2Cp_27%3ASandra+Zouak