Grass tastes better with sunglasses on!

A 94 year old Lady had just hopped onto the number 2 bus at Vauxhall. The bus is packed and it’s very hot.

She stares funnily at a young yob who is singing to his headphones.

Excuse me, young angel, aren’t you going to offer your seat to this reputable old Lady?

The young lad smiles and answers,

– You are not a day over 25! I am having a hard time and keeping my seat, Ma’am!

– But I’m five months pregnant….

– Oh! So you are pregnant!… The baby is not mine, is it?

– Not exactly.

– What do you mean, ” not exactly”?

– Well, I must make an announcement…. the baby is your brother Stan’s.

The young lad takes his headphones off.

– Now that’s kinda cool! So I got a brother who’s name is Stan! Does he smoke weed? Is he loaded?

The Lady starts to get curious, yet very tired and drops her bag onto the lad’s lap.

– Yes, he’s the chairman of a medicinal cannabis new giant firm based in Cali, but I won’t give you his contact details unless you give me your seat.

– Just one minute, says the intrigued yob, I just want to finish listening to this song, it reminds me of my ex-girlfriend….

He puts his headphones back on and starts singing.

A young woman sitting on the next row offers the 94 year old her seat, but the Lady declines,

– This is my favourite seat, I am not going to let the lousy teenager deprive me of my favourite seat: I am a reputable, award-winning nurse!

The whole bus laughs.

The Old Lady hasn’t realised the yob has already stolen her mobile phone from her bag. His music player has run out of batteries.

-My Lady, he goes on, can you give me my brother’s contact number? I’m skint for the rest of the week and I owe 40 quid to the drug dealer. I promise you I’ll give you my seat.

– OK, I’ll make a deal with you if you only trash those ridiculous shades, I’ll give you your brother’s number and you give ME your seat at once!!!!

– But my friend, I can’t trash these sunglasses, I stole them from my philosophy teacher whose classes were so boring…. I had to turn to smoking weed! Will you give me 60 pounds?

– I only have a 50. Here you are. But give me your seat, and your shades!

-But where’s my brother’s number?

– If you give my my favourite seat I’ll hand it to you.

By this time the yob has already stolen another silver pen from the Lady’s bag.

He moans and gets up, politely pointing at the seat for her.

The Old Lady has won a tug of war, she’s had her cake for the rest of the week.

– Ohhh, my Angel, these oh so comfy bus seats make my baby kick inside my belly like a martial arts champion! Here’s your brother’s phone number. I do hope such a caring young man like you does not miss our wedding.

– Thanks so much, Ma’am! Will there be lots of weed at your wedding?

– I’m afraid not, but the famous philosopher Mark Homton-Jones will be giving a two hour speech about ladies giving birth on a bus and traumatising young watchers…. now stuff some sanitising gel over your hands because I’m starting to get contractions- and be ready to find a suitable and reputable name for your nephew!!!!

The End.